Dress You Up In My Love
If she laughs at your suggestion that she might want to try dressing up like the Princess from Super Mario Bros in order to spice things up, then you might want to ask yourself, “What other fantasies hath been denied to me? How To Lose Girls Dudes, Help Me.”
You have some worcestershire sauce on your helmet.
Sure thing, Boba.
Tell her: “Baby, forget I said anything about it. Let’s go somewhere special and start over.”
Take her out to a very fancy restaurant in order to show her that this time you mean it. She will probably cry a little bit out of sheer joy but be strong.
Order a fine meal. Whatever she wants.
“Garcon! Your finest wines, and your cheesiest cheeses, chop chop.”
Once dinner arrives, program your arm cannon phone to ring in 22.3 minutes. Then it’s easy as 1, 2 3!
1: Say it’s an important call from work (the Galactic Republic) and that you’re deeply sorry, but you need to take it. Can’t keep Palpatine waiting!
2: Go outside to answer the “call”, and run to your 2001 Manadalorian Corolla. Make sure she’s not looking out the window!
3: If even she is, act fast and complete the loss. Drive away and let her deal with mundane details like paying the bill. By the time she realizes what’s happening, you’ll be back in a small 1 bed room apartment far, far away.
Doot doot doot.
Another one bites the dust.
(5 votes, average: 4.8 out of 5)
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This was a particularly useful post. But what about the mirror image of the situation? What if your girl wants you to dress up in a mankini or like some dude from the cover of romance novels? Does the exit strategem change at all? Please advise…
Drnecropolis
6 Oct 08 at 12:37 pm
If she’s willing to wear a metal bikini like Leia, is she a keeper?
mysteryGuy
6 Oct 08 at 12:47 pm
I do a cannonball of the plank
into the Sarlacc’s mouth
Turn on my jetpack and drop the D bomb
on it like your I to do your spouse
I dine and dash faster
then Han Solo can run spice
Im the best Sabacc player
You’ve ever seen in your life
I lose girls like Luke lost his hand
Chillin alone in my B wing, MAN
lil' whip
6 Oct 08 at 1:31 pm
[5x light sabre slash]
Yo, turn my hologram up….
Unhgg….
Blaster Blaster
I’m the jedi master
have girlies running away
like a nat-u-rall disaster
My sabre swings low
when it’s on my hip
I’ll choke you fools out
with kung fu force grip.
I’m kessel running
Kessel kessel running
I’m kessel running
Kessel kessel running
Verse 2
when I come thru
you smoking purple haze
while i shoot purple lightening
You think you’re Mace Windu
But you smell like poo poo
look like a princess from naboo
you like darth maul but hate the sith
don’t be an in-betweenie
you wanna be a jedi
but you’re just a tatooweenie
[4x rancor grow]
“My daddy always said
don’t power your **it up
if you ain’t ready to use it”
[5x belabored mask breathing]
This is Silvio
creeping out
like a lava flow
just give up son,
I got the high ground.
Silvio Margarine
6 Oct 08 at 2:16 pm
The only site I know where the comments got flow (rhyme unintentional)
Drnecropolis
7 Oct 08 at 3:05 pm
Dr. Necropolis - Great question. if it’s truly the mirror situation and you’re out at the schmancy restaurant, I’d try something like “hey: whoops, I left my wallet at the Mos Eisley Cantina last night, baby - this one’s on you.” Laugh really loud and do the James Franco d-bag snap ur fingers then point at her. If she wants you to dress up, it means she basically wants to marry you…. so in doing the James Franco, she will not be amused but at least you will have made a proper step closer to losing her, and you won’t have to pay for all that lobster you ordered (also, you’ll get the crabs for free AFTER the meal, HIIYO!!)
If it’s in the bedroom however, and in the middle of gettin jiggy with it, she wants you to dress up like Fabio… well, let’s be honest here, why not try it out, have a good time, and then never ever ever speak of it to anyone? Don’t get carried away with it though, one time’s a charm (and a gateway).
MysteryGuy - Yeah she is a keeper alright, of your soul. Look how incredibly hot those “sci fi” broads look…. Don’t fall for it, man… you guys got a good blog goin on and I don’t want to see yall give it up for some bird who all pretendin like she even SEEN any of those movies. Them gold diggaz luv their comic CONs.
—
And now a word from our sponsor (me):
** LUDACRIS SPEED, GO (go, go go go go go )! **
Aayo, Whip, what up? Silvio, let’s flow!
Our country fall apart but eerrrey body know
The greatest effin blog, all ova tha worldz
Is this motha fuggin blog, call it How To Lose Girlz!
The economy was peaced so I was blastin up to space
Yo Lando call me up he say “Son, we gettin blazed!”
R2 rolled a phatty and I couldn’t believe
Princess Leia was on the ship just a-waitin for me
she said “i seen you spammin sites, boy, its makin me hot
i knew i’d get you here when 3po hit the rock”
I said “where’s Hand Solo?” She said she didn’t know
I said “I am the Sysop” and she said “baby yeah I know.”
she said “i was all thinkin, i could be the one
use your jedi mine trix and maybe we could have some fun!”
and i said “hells nah girl, you only want my force.
do you know of my pain? because you is the source.”
i took a big magnet, it attracted her bikini
i lost that prissy ho, then i snacked on a panini
pesto, ham, and cheese (cheese cheese)
a flattened sammich is my steez (steez steez)
The Sysop
7 Oct 08 at 10:24 pm